The following was translated from a little known parchment relating to a discussion between Rembrandt and one of his many patrons:

Patron: “You’re killing me, Remmy baby, you’re killing me! I can’t stand like this all day and these costumes are costing me plenty!”

Rembrandt: “Just one more candle… I need to add one more candle…”

Patron: “Just sketch it in, I’ll have one of your students fix it later!”

Rembrandt: “But this is the third time I’ve painted this portrait! Always time to do another painting but never enough time to light one more candle…”

Patron: “Hey, I can hardly see into those shadows, add some white, will ‘ya?”

Rembrandt: “Always with the shadows… next it’ll be too much perspective…”

Patron: “Yeah, what’s with that foreshortening stuff? I paid for everything in this room and I want it all to look BIG!!!”

Rembrandt: (sighing) “Time for the large brushes and a gallon of thinner…”

(This was originally posted to the Cinematography Mailing List and also appeared on my web site.)